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ISTO headshot
IG post Sept 27 2018
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When going gets tough... the tough get going
IG post Sept 20 2018_edited
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Manhattan Edge Sunrise- soler with orange top final
USA pic
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Four Freedoms- white wall mean mug with north face-adidas downsized
SMILING & STOKED 😁 2 words I live by... .
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Profile Shot- Stairs and smile
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About Me

I was born with Cerebral Palsy, caused by a delivery complication that scrambled my neural connections in my brain like eggs. I knew I was different from an early age when I could not keep up with friends on the playground, or when I would trip over my own feet for no reason. The harder I tried to keep up, fit in, the struggle worsened.

 

My parents took action to give me the best chance at life and risked a medical procedure to fix my legs. Looking at my legs after that nap, I was not ready, that was the first time I felt not good enough.

One step at a time works easily in the physical world, but mentally, and emotionally I felt naked, exposing weakness that I could not express freely in life, work, and relationships. It is my secret for everyone to see. 

 

I spent years proving I was good enough, to validate my life. I got a world class education on persistence and patience. I watched my mother’s fight with denials from our insurance providers along with at least 20+ different clinics and doctors. They refused to treat her son with Cerebral Palsy. The outcome was pre-determined: a lifetime of misery and pain, nothing could be changed.

Turning a no into yes requires acute awareness and timing. I developed an obsession to detail, I wanted to give you every reason to say yes to me. I could not be a burden, because burdens get eliminated. Everything I wore, said, and did had purpose because it felt like one small mistake would spell the end of my career, relationship, or anything good. I felt stuck, needing clarity I asked hard questions to confront this feeling.

 

This introspection led to a harsh reality; I had been living by limitations shaped by the outside world. For example, I could not play, I learned to teach, became a coach. I could not coach, I learned logistics and operations to work in administration. It was my own pattern of concession by accepting these imposed parameters.

 

This was pure fear of uncertainty. Uncertainty creates fear, fear creates judgment, judgment kills creativity.

I forgave myself for this “supposed” failure to step up to the dream and vision that I wanted. I received a gift from this work.

Letting go of control despite uncertainty empowers creativity because possibility is only limited by personal perspective. Every surf session and wave is a personal test of willpower. The ability to create something magical from a force that is unpredictable is exhilarating and freeing.

This is the power of effort over results. It saved my life.

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